Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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