please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
