btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
