Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Too much gin, very little bucket
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
