my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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