Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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