i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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