i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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