when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
