it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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