i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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