I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
