I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
