it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
why do cheetos always look like penises
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
