The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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