Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
