U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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