just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
