So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
