Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My penis needs a shock collar
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
