Jerry, you need to find god
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
