i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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