when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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