remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
