you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
