i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
