I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
