im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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