Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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