That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
