apparently the secret to your success is patron
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
