Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
