so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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