That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
is it fun? or sober?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
