I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
