Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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