Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
