2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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