I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
