I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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