He passed out mid-signature
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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