Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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