I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
