During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
