i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
