my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
