So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
