be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Oh god it's open bar.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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