I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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