people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
