My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
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