i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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